If NASCAR can’t beat ’em, it might as well join ’em. That’s right. If NASCAR can’t compete with the likes of America’s Funniest Home Videos, it might as well quit the racing business and go into television production.
Here are eight current and classic TV shows NASCAR can produce to become a worldwide leader:
Old show: The Dukes of Hazzard
New show: The Dukes of Hendrick
The Buzz: Move over Bo and Luke Duke. Make way for Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Jimmie Johnson, the new Duke boys who are guided by their wise Uncle Jesse (Rick Hendrick) and aided by the family’s masterful mechanic, Cooter (Chad Knaus). But you know Boss Hogg (Jack Roush) won’t stop his relentless pursuit of those pesky Dukes and Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane (Darrell Waltrip) always finds a way to provide comic relief, “coo, coo, coo.”
Old show: House M.D.
New show: Stewart Haas M.D.
The Buzz: Grumpy, crass and often irreverent, Dr. Stewart Haas (Tony Stewart) is known as much for diagnosing rare diseases as he is for his own personality flaws. Dr. Haas somehow gets the most out of himself and the people around him, which makes him TV’s most lovable grouch and a ratings giant.
Old show: Lost
New show: Lost
The Buzz: Beloved NASCAR star Mark Martin plays himself, a racecar driver who isn’t quite sure where he is. After his Roush Racing jet plane crashes in a lake on Bobby Ginn Island, he happens upon a camp of island dwellers who call themselves “The DEI.” Using his talent and know-how, Martin escapes the island on a Team Red Bull raft and is rescued by the U.S.S. Hendrick.
Old show: Crossfire
New show: Crossfire
The Buzz: CNN might have given up on this forum for political discussion, but ESPN2 revives it with Ed Hinton on the left and Darrell Waltrip on the right. NASCAR nation will be enthralled by their weekly discussion of the latest issues. And Hinton, once again, calls for Darrell Waltrip to be named NASCAR commissioner.
Old show: Friday Night Lights
New show: Friday Night Lights
The Buzz: Searching for something to do, Joe Gibbs returns to coaching and takes over a high school football team in Texas. But Gibbs’ task isn’t easy, and he quickly finds himself with a quarterback controversy on his hands. Who does he start under center: Kyle Busch, Denny Hamlin or Joey Logano?
Old show: Hogan’s Heroes
New show: Roush’s Rogues
The Buzz: Trapped inside a Hendrick Motorsports prisoner of war camp, Colonel Roush (Jack Roush) and his fellow Roush Racing captives devise creative ways to sabotage Hendrick’s plans for world domination. Also starring Carl Edwards as Sgt. Carter, Greg Biffle as Newkirk, Matt Kenseth as LeBeau and David Ragan as Kinchloe. Tony Eury Jr. will play the role of Sgt. Shultz.
Old show: Dancing with the Stars
New show: Dancing with the Cars
The Buzz: Because of contractual obligations with Sprint, NASCAR must still award the Sprint Cup at least once a year. So to decide its season championship, former NASCAR drivers will compete for it by cutting a rug on the Daytona International Speedway infield. Critics will hail this TV newcomer as the most entertaining fall competition at DIS. Ever!
Old show: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
New show: Terminator: The Jeff Gordon Chronicles
The Buzz: Four-time cup champion Jeff Gordon plays a cyborg running naked through the streets of Los Angeles shouting “I’ll be back!” to anyone who will listen.